


Oh when you look at me like that, my darling, what did you expect?

by Blueskyblack



Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-04
Updated: 2017-08-07
Packaged: 2018-10-27 20:13:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 21,575
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10815906
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Blueskyblack/pseuds/Blueskyblack
Summary: "You should really stop doing that", Even tried to reason. It was the middle of the night and though his guard was up, as usual when being around Isak, he wasn't in the mood to uphold it much longer. "Doing what exactly?", came the innocent-sounding response. Even raised his eyebrows at that while turning towards the only other person currently being in this kitchen with him. "Don't play dumb with me, Isak." Even sighed and ran his fingers through his hair, leaning against the cabinet opposite the kitchen counter where the sneaky little bastard was sat with his legs dangling in the air, observing every move Even made. Even let his eyes wander, took in the guy in front of him. Sure, there was no denying this guy there on the  counter was attractive. Even could admit that, there was nothing wrong with that. Isak was cute. And attractive. Yeah. He just wasn't for Even.~~~ UPDATE for anyone who's wondering: 
I'm putting the story on hiatus for a couple of months until I can concentrate on it again properly. I'm sorry to everyone who's waiting for a new chapter but real life's a bitch right now. There'll be another chapter, I promise, I'm just not sure when that'll be. ~~~





	1. Middle of the Night

**Author's Note:**

> Being off sick gives you plenty of time to write, so here goes!
> 
> Don't know how many chapters this will be or when I'll post next yet. Just had to write this and share it with you :)
> 
> Title's taken from Arctic Monkeys' "505".
> 
> Enjoy!

 

 

"You should really stop doing that", Even tried to reason. It was the middle of the night and though his guard was up, as usual when being around Isak, he wasn't in the mood to uphold it much longer. He was tired, the music was too loud or too mainstream for his liking, his girlfriend was angry with him, there was a sick cat at his flat right now and, lastly, there was Isak looking at him as if he was picturing him stark naked.

 

Who was he kidding, he knew that Isak was indeed stripping him of all his clothes in his mind. He knew that all too well. "Doing what exactly?", came the innocent-sounding response. Even raised his eyebrows at that while turning towards the only other person currently being in this kitchen with him. Sana's kitchen. Elias' kitchen. Who would've thought. "Don't play dumb with me, Isak." Even sighed and ran his fingers through his hair, leaning against the cabinet opposite the kitchen counter where the sneaky little bastard was sat with his legs dangling in the air, observing every move Even made.

 

Even let his eyes wander, took in the guy in front of him. Big white jumper under a denim jacket, his blonde locks covered with a beanie, his dark-red scarf lying by his side. Overall, Isak was dressed way too warm for a house party, even though with the balcony door wide open and the soft breeze from outside trying to cleanse the room of the heat and the sweaty odours the dancing crowd would leave in there when getting some refreshments. He looked cute, Even had to give him that. He also looked very displaced in this kitchen but, nevertheless, cute.

 

The thought made Even smile the tiniest bit. He was being ridiculous. Sure, there was no denying this guy there on the kitchen counter was attractive. Even could admit that, there was nothing wrong with that. Isak was cute. And attractive. Yeah. He just wasn't for Even.

 

As there was no immediate reaction from Isak other than staring at Even without batting his eyelashes, Even found himself speaking again. "So, why are we alone in this kitchen right now?" He was staring back now, just as intense.

 

"It's not my fault nobody's thirsty right this second." Isak was shrugging, trying to hold back one of his devilish grins. "Yeah sure. That's why your friends left as soon as they saw me in here... because they were not being thirsty." Even couldn't hold back another eye roll. Isak was predictable as ever. And so unsubtle about the whole thing. His big, fat crush on Even that was.

 

'Big, fat crush' being Isak's own words. A couple of weeks back the both of them had been in a similar situation: Isak shamelessly flirting, Even losing it and demanding some answers.

 

At that point, Isak had just shrugged, similar to his previous reaction just now, and 'confessed' what everyone and their grandma, including Even, had known already anyway. That Isak fancied Even. Like _a lot_.

 

He wasn't subtle about it, making a point of always making sure to remember Even of it, teasing and provoking as much as possible without it being overly inappropriate or tacky.

 

That was the only reason why Even had let it go on for this long, despite not returning Isak's advances.

 

Sure, it was flattering and a little ego-boost every time Isak made clear just how much he was into Even. And he really did try to steer Isak in another direction or tell him he should just stop, that this wasn't going anywhere. It was just that Isak wouldn't listen. Not once. Even's friends, hell, even some of Isak's friends had spent hours telling him off about his behaviour or reminding him of the fact that Even was simply not that into him. To no avail though. Isak's 'pursue' had been unalterable.

 

If Even was being honest with himself, it really wasn't the only reason he hadn't put a definite stop to this whole situation.

 

If he listened deep down, to what his heart was whispering in moments like this, he would have to own up to the tiny, irrelevant fact that he relished the banter and the way he was looked at for a whole different reason.

 

He would have to acknowledge that Isak tested his resolve time and time again and that he could feel this resolve crumble a bit, if only for a second, and his guard falter ever so slighty.

 

Even would have to accept that every time the both of time were indeed alone together, his heart seemed to grow three sizes and beat out of his chest when he let himself stare into those deep green eyes a second too long.

 

However, Even would just downplay it all, label it as simple attraction. After all, people had those even though they were in committed and happy relationships. They was nothing wrong with finding other people attractive, maybe even develop little crushes.

 

These would just never amount to anything. Even would simply never act on them.

 

Hence his attempts at convincing Isak to find someone else to chase after.

 

A voice stirred him out of his thoughts. Had he been absent for long? "Any thoughts on what we're going to do now that we're already in this kitchen together - alone?" Isak was apparently not giving up tonight either. He was leaning forward, his hands holding on to the counter, raising his eyebrows suggestively.

 

"Doesn't it bore you by now?" Even didn't really know why he would always confront Isak head-on instead of just leaving it when in the end these questions only dug them both deeper into this hole. This hole that especially Isak didn't seem to get out of on his own, sometimes Even too.

 

⁕⁕⁕

 

"Does what bore me, Even?" Isak knew exactly where Even was going with this. He savoured the fact that Even actually seemed to care enough to not stop with his questioning. Even just didn't know it yet, or he didn't want to admit. One of these two options it had to be, Isak was sure of it.

 

Right there lay his motivation.

 

Even cared.

 

Or otherwise he would've been long gone. Wouldn't have spared him a second glance after Isak first tried to make his intentions clear. That he wasn't interested in just another casual acquaintance, another friend. He had enough of those. The spot Isak reserved for Even in his life was something different altogether.

 

There was nothing casual about his intentions, about the way he felt when looking at Even for the first time two months ago.

 

There still wasn't.

 

Not after two months.

 

Not right this second with Even looking at him from across the room, waiting for a reply, all polite when he could've bolted by now, enjoying the party with Elias and his other friends.

 

Being so incredibly beautiful. Even though he seemed exhausted he still looked most handsome in Isak's eyes. Even was always beautiful.

 

"You know what I mean! You being all..." Even looked flustered for a moment. "-all flirty... and getting nothing back in return. You could be..." This was where Isak had to interrupt him.

 

"You think I don't get anything in return from you?" Isak could see his face in the glass cabinet behind Even's head. His eyes were challenging the guy opposite from him, his facial expression almost mocking him. _God_ , could he really be this oblivious?

 

"Well, obviously not... I have a girlfriend, all of this", Even was now gesturing between them with this hands, "has never led to anything, so... what could you possibly _get_ from this?!" He sounded more and more desperate in his newest attempt at making sure everyone knew where they were at, as if he wished to be somewhere else where seconds before he'd looked so comfortable being together in the same room, talking.

 

"You don't though, do you? Have a girlfriend, I mean." Even shot him a baffled glance at his words but didn't seem to want to respond just yet, so Isak went on. "You might use Sonja as an excuse, as a shield, as a way of keeping me at distance, but if we're being honest here, I know that you **do** know that I know she's not your girlfriend anymore. Hasn't been for a long time, actually. Whatever the two of you want to call the situation you're in, whatever you tell yourself to get to sleep at night, you're not in a relationship anymore, Even. Hell, you think I would be doing", now Isak was gesturing between them as well, "this", he pushed of the counter and started pacing around the room, "if I knew you had an actual proper girlfriend, one with whom you're stupidly happy with? Do you think I'm that guy? I know I might've come across a little too forward at times, and I know you keep telling me you're not interested but, _honestly_ Even, don't tell me, don't tell yourself, it's because of Sonja. Don't use something like that to convince yourself this is just one-sided..."

 

Isak came to a halt right in front of Even, could smell his favourite smell in the world - Even. "Don't...", he almost whispered, "not when, in the end, you're still standing here."

 

Isak could see Even nervously swallowing, clearly being overwhelmed by Isak's words. He had to use all his willpower not to touch, not to close the small space between them for good, not to _take_ what he wanted so much. He waited though, patiently, until Even formed some kind of response.

 

"How-how do you know?" Even leaned more into the cabinet, more away from Isak. Isak tried not to flinch at the movement, wasn't all that successful ultimately because he saw Even's eyes widen for a second before he snapped back. "About Sonja, I mean? I don't know what you've heard or whatever but-"

 

"Please don't. I know what you want to say but... Does it really matter how I know?! I just do and I'm sorry. I'm sorry that you and Sonja didn't work out, I really am. But can you really blame me for trying here? I can't really stand by and wait for other people to make a move on you, I mean, you do understand that, right?" He had to stop there before he would talk himself into a rage again.

 

Isak just hoped that Even would get it. What he was trying not to say out loud because it would make this whole situation even more bizarre than it already was to begin with.

 

That he would get how much it meant to him that Even was still standing there. That he'd know that this wasn't just some pastime for him. That he wanted this. That he wanted _Even_.

 

"I just... I should go" Even had moved a little more towards Isak. Contrary to his words he didn't move away from him, he stayed right there, as close than they had ever been but still too many miles apart for Isak's taste.

 

Not that he'd complain though. He was sure he'd never been better, right there so close to Even.

 

And never mind that he knew each mole and dimple on that face by heart, he still studied them again while Even continued to hold his head low and concentrated on the Bakkoush's floor. Just so he could picture him again, later while drifting to sleep without Even near him.

 

Isak had no clue how long they'd been standing there like that, it had felt like hours when in reality it had probably just been seconds. He stirred them both to action again, however, when he spoke. "You really shouldn't."

 

Isak smirked and Even looked up, concentrating on him this time. He saw the confusion in Even's expression just before he remembered to what Isak was referring. Then he blushed and Isak nearly squeaked at the sight.

 

He was _so gone_.

 

And the fact that Even just stood there, red cheeks, possibly staring into his soul didn't make it easier for Isak to somehow contain these feelings.

 

There was no other explanation why he would do what he did next. As Even licked his lips, Isak couldn't just stand there any longer and not touch him, not kiss him. There was this urge inside him that he couldn't stifle any longer.

 

And so his hands found Even's hips, pulling Even towards him. He saw Even's eyes widen again at this and decided that they would kiss tonight.

 

Their first kiss.

 

Even hadn't pushed him aside yet which was a good - the best- sign after all. He just couldn't be as opposed to this as he would try to let on. This was happening - _now_.

 

So Isak tilted his head and moved in further, he could already feel Even's breath on himself. Which meant Even had turned towards him. _This was really happening!_

 

Isak just had to close the last distance to finally feel these lips on his. He was just about to experience the thing - well, one of the things - he had dreamt about for two months now. He moved to capture those lips when - bang! - the kitchen door flew wide open, two girls he didn't know, even though it was supposed to be one big (alcohol-free!) reunion party, stumbling towards the fridge, the music louder now, filling the room.

 

The girls didn't even notice them right away, being too engrossed in their conversation, but the moment was gone, no doubt about that.

 

When Isak turned to look at Even again, he had taken a step back, the armour he used to shield himself from others back on.

 

He was looking at Isak with wide eyes, like a deer caught in a car's headlights. Isak sighed. He had to make the most of the few seconds that he was left with before Even would, undoubtedly, storm out of this room, this house. Who knew how soon Isak would see him again.

 

It took all the courage he had left but in one swift motion he took that step towards Even that separated them and leaned his forehead against Even's. He drank in the air filled with Even and whispered so the girls wouldn't hear: "Don't ever say again that I'm not getting anything in return."

 

Then he took several steps back, his back coming up against the dining chairs, and checked if the girls had become aware of them by now. They hadn't.

 

And when he turned back around, as anticipated, Even was long gone.

 

 

Only then, upon seeing Even move out of the kitchen, the girls realised they weren't alone and quickly left as well.

 

Now Isak was left alone. Feeling lonely as ever. Already missing Even's warmth against him.

 

He sighed again, took off his beanie and went through his locks, trying to get a grip on what had just happened.

 

"Hey", he saw Sana standing in the doorway. "I've just seen him leave in a hurry. You ok?"

 

He smiled at that. Sana, his old friend. He could always rely on her, ever since forming a friendship during their mutual classes at school.

 

Isak then remembered that all his friends were there tonight, celebrating the fact that after leaving for uni or moving away to work three years ago after school, they had managed to get everyone in the same room. This was an impossible task but they had done it. Isak should stop hiding in this kitchen and continue to have fun with his friends, like he had been doing before Even showed up.

 

Since the party was at Sana's parents' house while they were on holiday and their friendship group had grown and intertwined with others over the years, it was no wonder that Elias and his friends were also present.

 

Isak had counted on that, knowing that it would mean he'd get to see Even again.

 

He'd heard of Even before, of course, but never met him as he had been studying abroad. Even had returned a couple of months ago and ever since meeting him two months ago in this very room when he was visiting Sana to prepare for tonight, Isak had known there was only one way this would go.

 

He'd decided on getting some tea for the both of them and stumbled upon some way too tall, way too pretty and way too nice stranger.

 

He'd never seen him before and he knew all of Elias' close friends. This had to be Even then. Why had no one told him before how _hot_ Even was?

 

Isak must've zoned out for a second because Even just looked at him with this _look_ in his eyes before he disappeared into the living room again. It didn't take any more than that for Isak to know he'd have to have him.

 

"Ask me again in an hour, Sanasol. For now let's just enjoy this night!" Isak tucked his arm into Sana's and gestured the both of them to where the music grew louder.

 

"Will do, Isabell! But just for the record, what exactly did you do to him? He looked positively flustered, even struggled to get his jacket on." Sana grinned at him knowingly.

 

Isak remained silent, a big grin forming on his face, and leaned more into Sana.

 

What had just happened was just for him, for now.

 

They had almost kissed. It still felt unreal. But, _honestly_ , what had Even been expecting, looking at him like that?

 


	2. Liquid Courage

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooner than expected, yay.
> 
> Thank you all for the comments, kudos and bookmarks, I really didn't expect such positive responses :)
> 
> Let me know what you think!

 

 

 

As soon as he had been through the main door, Even slowed down a bit. His breathing was still ragged, his cheeks flushed from when he'd met a surprised Sana in the hallway, but he'd stopped in his tracks and had sank against the wooden door, trying to steady his heartbeat. Easier said than done. What was it about Isak that had made him lose control for even just a second? How could he have been so stupid?

 

Even though Sana had looked surprised, she had also had something knowing shining in that big eyes of hers. That made it all even worse. Even didn't know if she really knew something _somehow_ but just the mere possibility of someone else than himself - and of course Isak - knowing of what had just happened in that kitchen was enough for Even's heartbeat to nearly physically hurt.

 

And it wasn't even like something had actually happened. Nothing had happened. He'd done nothing wrong. He hadn't betrayed his girlfriend who - and Isak had been right about that, much to Even's annoyance, technically wasn't his girlfriend anymore. He wanted her to be, however. It would just take him some time to convince Sonja to end this break she'd had insisted on.

 

What definitely was no good to him right now, was _Isak_ making him lose focus. He wanted to get his girl back, there was no time or use for distractions in the form of a twenty-one-year-old, overly-confident, snapback-wearing, ~~angelic-looking~~ boy. There just wasn't.

 

 _Get it together, man_ , he told himself, straightened his shoulders and went down the stairs without so much as looking back.

 

 

 

However, there wasn't really any escaping _these thoughts_ that came back to haunt him as soon as he was lying in his bed. He'd hoped for the quiet purring of his cat to lull him to sleep but it just wasn't happening. The cat pressed to his side he lay awake, all of him trying to wish his thoughts away.

 

The memories of how Isak's breath had felt against his lips, how his hands had warmed his own hips where they had hold him in place. Remembering how for a second, _ok_ a couple of seconds - he'd lost power over the guard he usually kept up.

 

A shield whose inevitability was a product of previous years, derived from his tumultuous relationship with Sonja.

 

He didn't know anything else than being with her or not being with her but not being completely over either. He didn't know anything but extremes when it came to love. Loving Sonja and being loved by Sonja had meant for so long either heartbreak or devotion, complications or harmony, high or low.

 

Right now they were on a break which had been Sonja's choice this time. There had been another break, years back. Back then on Even's request.

 

He wasn't really able to describe the relationship the both of them had but they always found their way back to each other. Even had been with Sonja, on and off, for nearly 8 years now. And they were still so young which made it quite an achievement. And every couple had their ups and downs, some challenges along the way, _right_? Right.

 

They both just needed their own space from time to time, there was nothing really wrong with their  relationship. It was fixable, as it always had been.

 

That he probably shouldn't think of his love for Sonja as something to fix was a whole other issue that Even had long pushed to the back of his mind.

 

So it wasn't even up for discussion how this _Isak_ -situation had to go. He would just avoid him as best as possible. That would have to be enough.

 

He wasn't about to give Sonja, his best friend, another reason why this break was the right thing to do for the both of them.

 

Nevertheless, Isak's last words to him this evening kept popping up in his mind, screaming for his sole attention.

 

_"Don't ever say again that I'm not getting anything in return."_

He'd shivered then, he was shivering now. Why did this sentence affect him in such a way? Even had never _really_ given Isak anything. Isak might be thinking about _giving_ him all kinds of things, that much was clear, but everything on Even's side had been absolutely innocent.

 

 _Who are you kidding?_ Up until tonight that was. He hadn't backed away, he'd just stood there while Isak did things and then he even moved towards the other boy. Leaned it. Turned towards him with his head, his mouth, his lips.

 

It had just been one moment until these girls had barged into the kitchen but it had been _a_ moment nonetheless. One moment of losing control. One moment of allowing Isak to be near him - too near. One moment of imagining how his lips would feel on his own.

 

Why was this happening? How could he put a stop to it? Why didn't he stop it from happening in the first place?

 

It was hours before he fell into a dreamless sleep.

 

When he woke up the next day, he felt much better about himself already. His mind had probably exaggerated everything last night. It wasn't all that bad. Isak meant nothing to him. His priorities lay elsewhere.

 

The following week would be another exhausting one. First he had to get his cat to the vet again for a check-up. He had to salvage things with Sonja. He had to finish an important work project, one he'd been working on for weeks now. And he most definitely had to call his mom. She hadn't which could only mean she was angry with him for not checking in as much.

 

His week would be packed. No time whatsoever to think about the blonde boy with the green eyes. None.

 

It was the end of the week, Friday to be precise, when Even sat at his desk at work, looking over the city, sighing into his cup of tea. Sonja had just hung up on him after they'd argued for a good twenty minutes on the phone. There was no getting through to her at the moment. Everything was so complicated. Why did it have to be so complicated?

 

 _Fuck it_ , he thought. He was sitting at his workplace on a Friday evening, feeling like shit and wishing for something to cut out all the white noise surrounding him, his thoughts.

 

A boy's night out it was. Hopefully lots of alcohol included. "Mik, you up for drinks tonight? Want to drum up the rest? I need some distraction..", Even called one of his best friends. "Sonja?", was all Mikael responded. He knew him so well. "Yeah but also other stuff.", Even sighed while he rubbed his eyes. "We'll be there." And without any more discussion, the meet-up was set. Even was so lucky to have friends like that.

 

About an hour later, he found himself amidst his five closest friends in their favourite bar, drowning in over-priced booze. Him and Mik were really the only ones to drink hard liquor from time to time, when the going got too tough. The rest of the group would drink a couple of beers with them but soon switch to non-alcoholic drinks. So it was no surprise that Even found himself being watched by multiple set of concerned eyes. The others had stopped the alcohol from finding his way to their table some time ago but not before Even had managed to down too many shots for him to feel sober right now.

 

He knew they were worried, had seen these expressions on their faces too often in the last years. They had no clue though that it was different this time around. His need to drown his sorrows was not only caused by his newest fall-out with Sonja, his beautiful Sonja, but also because as much as he'd tried during the last couple of days, he hadn't been able to shake _Isak_ from his thoughts. At least not completely.

 

Whenever he'd lain in his bed, only with his cat to accompany him, finally feeling relaxed after a long day, ready to drift to sleep, _this boy_ had found his way into Even's thoughts, disturbing the peace he so desperately sought.

 

Usually the last thing he remembered each night before dozing off due to exhaustion was the image of Isak's lips so close to his own.

 

Even shook his head as if that would help to get rid of his thoughts and muttered a "Be right back" to his friends before making his way to the loo. Afterwards he didn't directly return to his friends but stepped out onto the little patio that belonged to the bar and was as usual packed with the people who couldn't do without their nicotine. Even didn't smoke, hated the taste and the smell actually, but he needed to clear his head a bit.

 

Maybe he would even sober up a bit. He wanted to tell his friends about what was going on in his headspace, he really did, but it had seemed so hard to do without some alcohol in his system. They would be understanding, they always were, but Even was so angry with himself. Why would he even need to think about someone else when he had Sonja, momentary break or not!?

 

He didn't need some other girl or boy to crowd his thoughts when he was trying to focus on repairing what seemed to be broken between him and Sonja. Whatever that was.

 

Taking a deep breath, he closed his eyes and leaned against the wall far left where there was a little bit less flurry of activity and more quiet conversations accompanied by soothing RnB -tunes.

 

He got a little lost in his drunkenness because when his eyes opened back up, he saw Isak standing right in front of him, just centimetres away, smiling blissfully.

 

 _Daydreaming now, honestly?_ , he thought, rolling his eyes. This was really getting out of control.

 

And then it spoke, Isak spoke, and Even wished for the ground to swallow him whole. _Well, fuck me_.

 

"Hi", he breathed, not daring to speak up.

 

"Hi handsome. What are you doing here all by yourself?" Isak sounded so- so _fond_ , it was hard to endure, really.

 

"I'm not..." Even had to clear his throat. His heart was already leaping into that particular part of his body. _God_ , he really was ridiculous. He was in love with his girlfriend, _dammit_. "I'm with the guys actually, was just in need of-of some air", he swayed a little bit at that and Isak had to reach out with his right arm to steady him. "Sorry, I'm a little drunk". Did he just giggle like a little school girl? _Good god_.

Isak, however, tried his best to mask the grin about to spread over his face. "More than a little bit, don't you think?" He also hadn't let go of his arm, Even could feel Isak's warmth seeping into him. It wasn't really warm out here but Even felt on fire.

 

A thought came to mind. "With who-whom are you here then?" Even was already excessively looking around, as if someone would wave on cue or something. _Please, don't let that have sounded anything near jealous._

It most certainly earned him a smirk from Isak who had started to caress Even's arm with his thumb where he held him steady. _Just shove him away, easy-peasy_.

 

"You don't have to worry, I'm not on a date. You must know by now I only have eyes for you, Even. And lately it feels not so one-sided, does it?" Even's glance shot up from that _spot_ on his arm, observing Isak with wide merry eyes. "Seems like fate, you and me, here, all alone." Isak was back at it with his sexy voice. Even knew his sexy voice by now. He'd come across it whenever Isak wanted to really throw Even off balance. _Idiot, Isak's voice is always sexy_.

 

"We're not-not alone though", was all he could come up with in his state of intoxication. Both by the booze he'd downed and by Isak's presence. Even looked around for help but everyone was indulged in their own conversations.

 

"Alone as can be in a bar on a Friday night.", Isak countered. "What are we gonna do with that, love?"

 

Even just continued to stare at Isak. What was he proposing?

 

"What do you want to do, Even? If you could do anything, anything at all?" He stepped forward but not all the way. "What would you want to do with me?"

 

Even gulped. Wow, even in his current state he couldn't believe Isak had just said that to him. That guy had no shame. _You love it! - Oh, shut up._

Without really realising it, Even's hands had found Isak's upper arms, grasping. Isak seemed surprised but only for a second before his smug grin was back. "Did you just call me love?"

 

"I did." Isak didn't even blink at that.

 

"You're unbelievable, Isak." Even made a disapproving sound. It didn't stop him from moving in further. They were nearly forehead to forehead by now.

 

Even couldn't believe this was happening again. It was just like last week. The alcohol was clearly clouding his judgement but he couldn't bring himself to care. And he would do it today, feel those lips so he could finally stop fantasising about them late at night. He would do it, no doubt about it. Liquid courage, hurray!

 

He closed his eyes, ready to meet Isak in a whole new way.

 

 

⁕⁕⁕

 

 

He couldn't believe his eyes. Even was here. He was currently at the same bar as Isak. He'd frozen on the spot as soon as he'd spotted him. Leaving the loo, making his way outside. Clearly buzzed.

 

Isak had left Jonas and Magnus behind and by the time he'd made it through the door that led outside, he hadn't been able to find him at first. He'd nearly panicked, his pulse speeding up. Even had to be here, he'd seen him go outside and there was no way of leaving other than through the same door. _Calm down, Isak_.

 

And then he'd found him in a corner, away from all the hustle and bustle, looking so beautiful with his closed eyes and reddened face.

 

God, he was being pathetic. It had clearly already been too long since he'd hooked up with someone. He was becoming desperate. But honestly, how long would jerking off to the image of Even's features suffice? If he could at least hold him.

 

So when Even had opened his eyes after Isak had made his way over there and looked so confused as if he was just dreaming, Isak couldn't believe his luck.

 

 

And then Isak had waited. Waited for Even to close the distance, to take the last step. To make it happen. But that was wrong as well.

 

Isak shouldn't kiss him today. Not while he was intoxicated. It was a bad call. It really wasn't chivalrous behaviour, like not at all. _Leave, Isak. Get out of there_.

 

It took all he had in him but he convinced himself to put a stop to it before Even would wake up tomorrow with a huge hangover and regret it. Isak couldn't bear the thought of Even regretting something that he wished for with everything he held dear.

 

And right then Isak saw Even close his eyes and lean in, confident on closing the last centimetres that were separating them. It happened fast as well. Even's nose touched his, he licked his lips and-

 

"EVEN!" Isak felt like a child being caught by his or her mother doing something it shouldn't. Eyes fell open, hands left bodies and postures were straightened, all in a matter of seconds.

 

Even's head turned towards the voice that had called his name, Isak followed suit. Not far away, in the open door stood Yousef. Eyes wide, brows furrowed, a concerned look on his face.

 

Nobody moved but then Isak regained control of his limps. "Hey", he tried to get Even's attention. It worked and Isak tenderly pushed a strand of hair out of Even's face. "I'm- I'll just go, ok?" As if in trance, Even nodded.

 

Isak smiled at him one last time and left the patio. On his way to the door, he looked Yousef straight in the eye, hoping he wouldn't be mad at him. But Yousef just stared right back until Isak moved around him and was lost in the crowd of partying people.

 

Isak knew there would be a stern message from Sana tomorrow. Oh, how he looked forward to that.

 

The last thing he heard before he was overwhelmed with the sudden force of the noise level inside was Yousef's incredulous "What the fuck, Even?"

 


	3. Temporary Insanity

 

 

_"What the fuck, Even?"_

 

Yeah well, what the fuck indeed. Even was currently sitting in between his friends, squashed together tightly. Too tightly, if he was being honest. At least right this second. There was no room to flee the scene, to take a proper breath, to _think_ with them so close nearby, staring at him expectantly.

 

As soon as Yousef and Even had made it into the bar and to their table again, Yousef had enlightened the other boys of what he'd just witnessed out on the patio. Even wasn't angry about that, he really wasn't, as there weren't really any secrets between the six of them. Nothing held back. No secret whispers. Everything was always out in the open with them. Usually.

 

So Even wasn't mad. He would've told them eventually. There just wasn't anything to tell, really. Okay, _there was_.  Kind of. Yousef at least was certain there was.

 

It was only that Even didn't know what to tell them. He was just _confused_. He didn't know what exactly there was to tell because he didn't know what the deal was, with him and Isak. He didn't know what Isak was to him. He didn't-

 

The only thing he knew for sure was that five minutes ago he'd been willing to do stuff. Stuff with Isak. Stuff like kissing and groping and running fingers through someone certain's hair.

 

Stuff with someone else than Sonja.

 

And the worst of all, the fact that Even couldn't wrap his head around, was that it had been the second time he'd let Isak so near. The second time he'd lost all sense of what was right and wrong, of what was important to him.

 

Nevertheless, there wasn't a part of himself that was inclined to regret it. He couldn't bring himself to. Neither did he want to, if he was being honest with himself. He'd rather scold Yousef for interrupting them. He'd brought himself to admit that he wanted to know what it felt like to kiss Isak in that moment. He'd brought himself to act on it. He would've kissed him. And then Yousef had to come and ruin the whole thing. If it wasn't for him he would know by now what it felt like.

 

But- he had to concentrate. The boys were waiting for an explanation. Even took a deep breath. He suddenly felt more sober than before, their gazes burning into him.

 

"You need to start talking, Even. I'm imagining all kinds of things as long as you don't, and I swear to you, you wouldn't want to know about those, so..." Elias grew impatient the longer Even stayed silent.

 

Even sighed. "What do you expect me to say, guys?" He looked them all separately into the eyes.

 

Yousef was the one who responded first. "I just saw you about to suck face with Isak Valtersen in the back of this very bar, are you really going to play dumb right now, my friend?"

 

There was another short silence and Even realised that he had to get this over with. He couldn't stall any longer. He had to tell them if he wanted to get home and under his sheets as soon as possible. He just wanted to curl himself up in bed and not _think_ for a bit. Not remember him and how understanding he'd been the second Yousef had showed up and, noticeably, put Even in a different mood.

 

"I don't know what happened and I don't have an excuse, last time maybe, but I knew what was about to happen today and I-", Even couldn't finish his rambling with Mik interrupting him while bringing his hands down onto the table, leaving the beer bottles trembling for a second.

 

"What do you mean _last time_?", Mik all but yelled in excitement, "has this been going on prior to this evening?"

 

"No. Yes. Maybe. Nothing happened, guys. And nothing happened today either." Even just had to convince himself along with the guys.

 

"But it would have", Yousef remarked dryly. "If I had been there a minute later, I would have had to witness you two getting it on in front of everyone, judging by the looks you were giving each other."

 

"Ugh, thanks Yousef, that's an image I needed in my head tonight!", Adam chipped in. "No defence, Even, your Isak's not bad, I guess, but I really don't want to picture my best friend getting it on with anyone in general."

 

Even couldn't hold back a grin, even though he was trying to look pissed since Yousef's commentary. So he shot back a "ha-ha" and then continued: "And he's not _my_ Isak, Adam... At Sana's party, there was this moment when something could've happened. And yes, we would've kissed if Yousef hadn't felt the need to interrupt us today but- I don't really know. I guess, it's good that you did put a stop to it. I honestly don't want to give him false hope- and he's just been coming on to me these past two months- and as you said he's not bad at all- and I let my guard down and I know I shouldn't have. It's probably just because of Sonja, she's not giving in with this _break_ and- and- I'm just all over the place, really." Even's outburst had left the boys with wide but concerned eyes.

 

They were all silent for a while, contemplating what best to say next. Mutta, as usual, came straight to the point as soon as he was finished sorting his thoughts on the matter. "E, I hate to break it to you but maybe this isn't all about Sonja. Maybe there's another reason you're", and he put his next words in quotation marks with his fingers, "'all over the place'. You said you and Isak nearly kissed twice. You've been on and off with Sonja for so long and I don't recall you even _talking_ about another person in an 'inappropriate' way."

 

Everyone nodded in approval and Even couldn't think of a response that wouldn't have been _Yeah, you're probably right_ , so he just didn't respond at all.

 

 

Even went on with the rest of his weekend trying to get Sonja to agree to get a coffee with him and when that didn't work, he surrendered to lying in front of his TV on Sunday, cat sprawled over his chest, watching stupid, brainless reality-shows for the entire day. He wasn't really watching though, he was too busy not thinking about Mutta's words and what they might mean for him.

 

Soon Tuesday came and he couldn't put off facing reality any longer. He would meet Isak again today. It was Jonas's birthday and curly hair had invited everyone through text message in their group chat for some drinks at his and Isak's place.

 

He knew he didn't have to go over there but he also didn't want to alienate himself from his group of friends. He wasn't particularly close with Jonas either but they _were_ friends nonetheless and everyone was going, so he would as well.

 

Besides Even had been looking forward to this as Sonja would most probably be there at some point during the evening. It wasn't the smartest move to wish for an encounter with her at a birthday party where every single member of their friend group would show up, including the guy he'd nearly kissed four day prior. It was the best he could hope for right now, though, so that had to do.

 

And Isak. Even hoped to avoid him as best as possible in a three-roomed flat full of people. Maybe luck would be on his side tonight.

 

As it turned out, it wasn't.

 

Even could feel all these gazes on him the whole time. His boys watched him around Isak as did Jonas, even though Even never interacted directly with Isak the whole evening. There were so many people around them and everyone was having lots of fun, telling old embarrassing stories from Bakka and Nissen, revelling in the not-so-distant past.

 

Still, Even would catch one of the boys or even Jonas staring at him and then at Isak intently. He really wanted to know what Isak had told Jonas for him to be as suspicious. Even himself kept his eyes glued to everything and everyone that wasn't Isak. Except for when they had first walked in and congratulated Jonas and their eyes had locked, Even tried his best to avoid Isak's longing eyes.

 

Only after Sonja arrived, Even felt like he could breath properly again.

 

 

It was quite late already for the working population when Even decided on going home. Mikael and the others couldn't yet be bothered to leave but Sonja had made a point of not talking to him tonight as well and so Even's mood had slowly subsided during the last hour. He had gone up to her when she'd walked into the kitchen but Sonja had just shook her head and said: "Too soon, Even."

 

That had been it. He was royally fucked. How in the hell was he supposed to reconcile with her if she wouldn't even give him the time of day?!

 

_Screw this_ , he thought and cut his way through the crowd and into Jonas's room where he'd been told all their coats and bags lay. He'd been to the flat once before, a couple of months back, and he therefore knew this was curly hair's bedroom. He'd never seen Isak's room, however, and just as he was about to turn right again and greet his friends goodbye, he noticed how the door to what could only be Isak's room, since the flat had only three rooms and he'd just come out of one room and was about to go back into the second, stood ajar.

 

He didn't even consider what he was doing to probably be borderline creepy but checked if he was unobserved and then slipped into Isak's room and swiftly shut the door. If someone would ask him later why exactly he did what he did, there would be no other answer than him wanting to see what Isak's safe place looked like. He wanted to see how Isak lived, maybe get to know him better through his furnishings. _What?_ He couldn't even believe himself. _You could just ask him and not sneak into his bedroom without him knowing._

 

"I see you've come to say 'hi' after you've so perfectly managed to ignore me this entire evening." Isak's voice brought Even back to the present and for the first time Even took in the whole room, only now registering that he'd waltzed in here, ready to- _yeah what exactly?_ , while Isak had been in here. He was positive that he'd never been more embarrassed in his life than right this second.

 

Isak had been hidden behind one of his wardrobe's doors which he now closed, turning towards Even with a dark shirt in his hands and therefore currently bare-chested. Even gulped, his eyes widening instantly, his glance soon falling to his feet. "Eva spilled her drink, sadly onto my shirt." Isak explained while putting on the new, clean shirt. "You can look up now, Even.", he smirked, knowing full well how embarrassed Even seemed to be.

 

When Even did, Isak continued: "So, are you ever going to tell me what led you to my room? I know you weren't looking for me."

 

"I-I just wanted- I thought- I don't know what I thought actually. Temporary insanity, I guess. But anyway, I'm sorry. That wasn't cool, I shouldn't be here, I'll just go-", Even tried to reason but was quickly interrupted by Isak again. It seemed to be a thing he liked to do around Even. Interrupting him.

 

"Temporary insanity, I like it", there was this big grin on Isak's face. He one-hundred percent knew Even was full of shit, or rather his poor attempt at an explanation was. "There's no one here to interrupt us today, you know."

 

Even hadn't expect such a sharp turn of topic. "Isak, I-"

 

But Isak wasn't finished. "You ignore me this entire evening, then sneak into _my_ room, Even. I'm tired of this back and forth between us. Aren't you?" When there came no objection from Even's side - _in the end, he as well was tired of it, thank you very much_ -, Isak left his spot in front of the wardrobe to grab his snapback from the bed. He then turned around to where Even was still standing in front of his desk and looked him straight in the eye. "Now that that's been cleared up, I fully intend on kissing you tonight, Bech Naesheim. You won't get away a third time. Also, you came _in here_ , we both know you want it as much as I do."

 

Again Even was left stunned. Where did this guy take the courage from to say everything on his mind out loud? "My girlfriend's in the next room, what's wrong with you?", Even more shouted than whispered. As if anyone could actually hear them in here with the level of noise in the flat.

 

It did get an unexpected reaction out of Isak though. "STOP CALLING HER YOUR GIRLFRIEND!", he exclaimed desperately and directly after that regretted his outburst. "Shit sorry. I shouldn't have- I have no right to demand anything from you. It's just that..."

 

At this point, Even was really done with this whole situation. He just wanted to get out of there, not wanting to deal with all these emotions, with the tension that was almost palpable right about now, the flirtatious atmosphere from just mere seconds ago long gone. "Just say it, Isak.", he had to hold himself back from rolling his eyes. Ultimately, all of this wasn't just Isak's fault. Right now, Even just didn't want to deal with it anymore. He hadn't expected the evening to end like this, in his head he'd already seen himself lying in bed while he had been looking for his coat.

 

He certainly hadn't expected for Isak to break down all his walls _again_ , for him to be so excruciatingly honest _all the damn time_.

 

Isak's next words flooded his whole body in a wave of shivers and disbelief. In a welcomed warmth as he was embarrassed again by Isak's heated speech but also getting stressed out because Sonja was mentioned.

 

"Every time you call her that... I have to reconsider my actions and one of these times I might actually stay away after that. There's just so much I can take, Even. It might sound stupid considering I'm the one constantly coming on to you but... If you're really sure Sonja's the one for you and you one-hundred percent want to get back together with her and live happily ever after, then... then I'll back off, ok? Maybe I've really read too much into this. I have, haven't I? It's- I- ok... Do you want me to stay away, Even? Do you want me to stop?" The look on his face was heart-breaking. There was still some hope left and the more time it took Even to gather his thoughts and form a sentence the more hopeful Isak seemed to get.

 

After all, most of the time when Even had stayed silent, waiting with wide eyes, it had meant he was just too overwhelmed with everything and, in the end, he really wanted it as much as Isak. Just wasn't as vocal about it as the other boy.

 

Finally, Isak must've thought he'd seen something in Even's eyes because he stepped forward, slow strides towards him, picking up one of his arms, holding it in Even's direction, longing for skin on skin as soon as possible.

 

However, once Even realised what was surely about to happen next, he took a step backwards, away from Isak.

 

And with that the whole room seemed to stand still, freezing to ice. Time stopped right then.

 

Isak stood. As still as could be. 

 

It had been abrupt, the way he'd stopped and let his arm fall against his side.

 

It had also been cruel to witness. All the anticipation and hope had vanished from his face, instead it had been masked with rejection and hurt.

 

Even hadn't even said anything. He was still processing what Isak had just said, had really needed a moment after that. And just that one movement had then been enough to disrupt whatever the both of them had going on.

 

Even could see it in Isak's eyes. He retreated slowly, probably not wanting to let Even see all of the hurt he'd just caused. He did it until there was nothing left for Even, nothing to hold onto. He did it until he managed to squeeze out a small smile. One that didn't even attempt to reach his eyes.

 

At last, Isak stood and smiled. He sighed. He surrendered completely. And then he turned around and left the room. _His_ room.

 

_What had he done?_ Even had a hunch that Isak took a little piece of his heart with him as soon as the door closed. As soon as Even was left alone again.

 

It had all happened so fast, he wasn't even sure what was going on. _He was though_. And it kind of hurt. Not kind of. It hurt.

 

_What have you done, Even? What the fuck have you done now?_

⁕⁕⁕

 

 

Isak walked through all their guests, feeling numb to his very core. He was met with Jonas's stare who must have registered that he'd been gone for some time. As soon as their eyes locked, Jonas was on his feet, dragging his friends aside, taking Isak by his arm and steering him into his own room. Neither of them said a word as Jonas got all the coats and bags and threw them in the hallway, then shut and locked the door behind him.

 

"What the fuck just happened, Iss?" Isak knew that his best friend was probably worried out of his mind right now but he couldn't form a proper sentence. Everything felt numb. The only thing to do he could think of was lying down, knowing Jonas wouldn't mind, wouldn't let him out of his side tonight anyway, so he did just that.

 

"I'll be right back, yeah? I'm just going to tell the guys to clear everyone out." With one more concerned glance towards him, Jonas stood up. On his way out, Isak could hear him mumble something resembling _gonna kill that guy_ , before he shouted for Magnus and Mahdi. Only a minute later, he heard voices shouting "Party's over" as Jonas came back into the room.

 

"Shouldn't take long", Jonas simply stated, turned on some of their favourite music at a low volume and changed into some sweats. He sat on his bed with his back against the wall and Isak could almost hear his worried thoughts.

 

He could finally utter some words. "It's alright, Jonas."

 

"It's clearly not. It will be though, Iss, it will be." He didn't deserve Jonas. He really didn't.

 

They remained silent until the flat fell silent as well and Magnus and Mahdi stood in the door. "Is he gone?", Jonas wanted to know instantly.

 

"Yeah, left as soon as you told him to. Looked miserable, to be honest."

 

Jonas couldn't really hold back at that. "Serves him right!" They all looked at Isak then and he just sighed and closed his eyes for a second. "Thanks guys, I mean it."

 

There wasn't anything more to be said tonight. The boys left soon after with the promise to return in the morning to check on him. Eventually Jonas turned off the lights and music and lay down as well.

 

Jonas's light snoring felt familiar and comforted Isak in a weird but welcome way that night as he lay awake next to his best friend.

 

Even really didn't want to be with him. Actually stepped away from his oncoming touch as if he was about to burn himself. Isak had asked if Even wanted him to stop, to stay away and he'd gotten his answer. Loud and clear.

 

There was this utter hopelessness spreading through Isak's body. And yet everything felt _so damn_ numb. But maybe that was a good thing.

 

It was probably a good thing.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What just happenend? :O Way to kill the mood, Even!  
> What do you think will happen next? And what do you want to happen next?
> 
>  
> 
> Thanks again for your lovely comments!


	4. Karma's a Bitch

 

 

When he'd woken up, there had been this moment in which he felt happy to be waking up, a mere second that had let him believe it was going to be a good day, a fleeting memory of blue eyes and long, long limps on his mind and the warm and steady breathing of another person on his face pretending his world had not shattered last night. He hadn't been heartbroken in this moment. And then he'd realised. He'd remembered. He'd felt. Lived through it again. Embraced the hurt. Welcomed the misery. Waited for the numbness.

 

After said second, Isak had opened his eyes and there hadn't been blue eyes staring back into his, no, there had been Jonas's locks everywhere he'd looked and the faint smell of last night's beer and weed had crowded the room, making it impossible for him to just close his eyes again in order to escape the harsh reality for just a little bit longer.

 

Isak had offered him an out, his resignation so to speak, and Even had gladly accepted it.

 

Isak winced and fought to get out from under the sheets before he made his way over to the window, opening it wide, letting in some needed fresh air.

 

He didn't feel numb anymore. He'd known it had been a good thing last night and he wished for the feeling to return only so he could protect himself from that disgusting memory of rejection that kept playing on repeat like an unwanted catchy song you just couldn't shake.

 

He felt a sob escape his lips before he could help it and then he heard the bed creak under Jonas's weight. Isak remembered he wasn't alone and also that there hadn't been any steady breathing for a while now. He knew before he heard him speak that Jonas was awake, had been for some minutes, silently watching Isak from the bed. "Don't cry over that guy, Isak."

 

Isak had managed to compose himself though, still fighting back the waves behind his eyelids waiting to come crashing down on him in full force but being able to keep them at bay. He turned towards his best friend, expecting to be met with a well-intentioned, pitiful stare, instead finding Jonas grinning at him, already hoisting himself from the edge of the bed and towards his closet. "Get dressed! We're going for breakfast at that favourite place of yours", he practically sang while rummaging through his clothes.

 

"We-what?" It was way too early, he'd been on the brink of crying just seconds ago and really didn't want to face anyone else than Jonas today. He simply couldn't.

 

"We don't have to go to work today, we're already awake anyway, plus I'm slightly hung-over and craving some scrambled eggs. So you don't get to lie in bed all day, drowning in self-pity over something _Even_ did or didn't do." Why was Jonas so active this morning? It had been his party the night before. _What the heck was going on?_

 

"Jonas-", Isak was just about to intervene but his best friend had seen that coming as well.

 

"You can tell me everything over some scrambled eggs, Iss. And afterwards we'll make a plan, try to fix whatever the hell happened last night, yeah? I need some strength before I can challenge _him_ to a duel or something." Jonas was looking at him so seriously that Isak couldn't _not_ break into a grin. "Ooooor we could just start cleaning up this place. It reeks of-"

 

Jonas was interrupted this time. "Breakfast it is!"

 

 

As it turned out, Jonas had messaged the others on their way to the tram, resulting in the four of them lounging in these big old chairs, sipping on their coffees, devouring whatever meal they'd chosen for themselves.

 

Watching these three idiots Isak was fortunate enough to call his best friends behaving as childish as ever had Isak forget about Even for some time. Jonas's plan of distracting him from his thoughts was, _thank god_ , working after all. Even if just for the duration of their breakfast together.

 

After a while though, it was Mahdi who broached the subject they were all dying to know more about. "You wanna talk about it now, man?" They were all looking at Isak now. Waiting. Expectantly.

 

"Maybe we could help", Magnus shrugged his shoulders, looking absolutely ridiculous with bread crumbs all over his face. It was so him. And Isak felt a strange sense of familiarity sitting there with his friends he never got to see enough anymore. He was reminded of all those years they'd spent together by now. Of how accepting and caring these three had always been.

 

He didn't really feel like talking about it in that moment but Isak also knew that he'd feel better after disclosing everything that had happened to someone. _To them_.

 

"He just walked into my room, just like that. Obviously not knowing I was there as well but he knew it was my room and he came there for a reason and-- I don't know. I messed up, I guess. Told him I was finally going to kiss him. And I swear he looked like he wanted it as well, I mean, he was ready to kiss me the other day before we were interrupted. I just wanted to make sure we wouldn't be disturbed again and then he was standing there and--" Isak looked around, searching the guys' eyes for some encouragement to go on with his monologue and apparently he found it because he averted his gaze to his coffee cup again and continued: "He mentioned Sonja again and I kind of lost my cool and- I apologised right away but I also told him that if he kept bringing her up, calling her his girlfriend, that I'd stay away at some point, and that he should tell me if he was sure she was the one for him and blablabla."

 

Jonas cleared his throat then, and while the others stayed silent, waiting for Isak to tell them what was obviously the hard part of the story, Isak knew that Jonas was about to further encourage him. Knew that his best friend could sense he needed a second to sort things in his head, to live through it again without losing it. "And he told you he wants to get back together with her? That you should quit coming on to him?" It was not so much a question as it was the most logical conclusion at that point.

 

Isak decided it was time to get it over and done with, he had to say it out loud to make it real. To accept it and eventually move on. _Yeah, right_.

"He didn't even have to. I waited and then I stepped towards him, I really wanted to kiss him, guys, and he hadn't left. I was so sure he wanted it as much as I did. But-- well, apparently I was wrong because as soon as he realised I was about to just _touch_ him, he flinched and backed away so quickly. As-- as if the thought of kissing me was so insufferable. I don't know, he just stood there, shocked, didn't say a word." He could feel getting teary-eyed again and promptly reminded himself of his surroundings, not wanting to break into tears in front of a cafe full of people. His friends looked as miserable as he himself felt. "I had to get out of there afterwards, I didn't even know where I was going really..."

 

"What's wrong with that guy? He could've told you to get lost two months ago but he keeps on getting close to you anyway just to- just to make you feel like shit about yourself in the end. What an ass!" Leave it to Mahdi to sum everything up like that. Isak couldn't feel any form of anger towards Even though. He was just sad. And the biggest problem was he already missed Even's smile, the way his whole face smiled, the way that smile made Isak feel inside when he was fortunate enough to be the recipient of it on some rare occasions.

 

The guys were talking amongst themselves, being visibly upset for their friend, angry Even had made Isak feel like there was something wrong with him, with his crush on Even. Isak just sat there, everything becoming white noise, concentrating on that smile, on Even.

 

Jonas shook him out of his daydreams eventually. "So, do I have to put on my armour and challenge him?" Magnus and Mahdi instantly jumped on that train of thought, revelling in Jonas's sense of protection.

 

It made Isak laugh a bit, at least. "No thanks, Jonas. I'm capable of fighting my own battles, I don't need you to do that for me." He smirked at his friends. "It's good to know you would though. It's always good to know." With that he was looking each one in the eyes, silently thanking them for always sticking up for him.

 

He wasn't alone. He didn't have to go through anything on his own anymore.

 

But he needed to sort out his head on his own, for himself.

 

 _Thank god_ , he was never _alone_ anymore.

 

Nevertheless, this was his life and _he_ ought to live it. The good but also the bad. The exhilarating but also the heart-breaking.

 

It would hurt for a while, yes. But he'd rather hurt than feel nothing at all.

 

He'd be fine eventually. _He wasn't alone_.

 

 

⁕⁕⁕

 

 

When he thought back on it, last night was kind of a blur.

 

At least everything after Isak's attempt to finally kiss him.

 

Even was currently sitting behind his desk at work, counting down the remaining hour that had to pass before it wouldn't be frowned upon for him to leave for the day. He knew he hadn't been of much use today anyway but he'd showed up. And that alone had been quite a close call with Even initially wanting to stay in bed all day, hiding from the world.

 

Hiding from the mess he'd made. Hiding from the obvious pain he'd caused, both to Isak and himself. If it was any indication how he himself was feeling since he saw that look on Isak's face, there was no doubt that Isak must be feeling even worse right now. How he went from utter shock to insecurity to realisation and eventually to agony had all been there, on his face, every single emotion for Even to witness. And later feel _so_ sorry about.

 

Another glance towards the clock above his office door indicated only what he'd feared before even looking: Only five minutes had passed. Time definitely wasn't running today. He soon found himself thinking back to last night's events.

 

A blur. He'd stepped back and then Isak had left him and he didn't have any idea of what to do next, much less of what had just transpired in that very room.

 

He'd wanted to go after him but his feet wouldn't budge. He'd wanted to call after Isak, get him to come back, be near him again, but he was somehow out of breath and the words just wouldn't form. He'd wanted the ground to swallow him, he'd felt so guilty, but karma was a bitch and this was precisely why he would have to gather the courage to make his way through the flat in order to make his exit.

 

Even had hoped to not meet anyone on his way out but as soon as he'd closed Isak's bedroom door, he'd noticed the commotion around him. From the living room he'd just heard what he recognised as Mahdi's voice addressing people, apparently with the aim of getting them to leave the party. The music had stopped, only shouting and shuffling had remained and Even had known this was his only chance to get out of there if he wanted to avoid his friends or better yet Isak's friends.

 

But it seemed karma hadn't been done with him yet as Jonas had appeared in the hallway just then, closing the door to his bedroom, looking around for something. When his eyes had fallen on Even, Jonas had seemingly found what he'd been looking for. His features had changed into something much more threatening as he'd taken a few steps towards Even and, under his breath, not wanting to draw anyone's attention to their situation, had spoken only a few urgent words. "I suggest you leave already if you don't want me to _make_ you", he'd said, nearly growling.

 

Even had wanted to advocate for himself but everything about Jonas in that moment had suggested how serious he was and he hadn't wanted to put a 'fight with his best friend' on the list of things Isak could hold against him.

 

So he'd taken one last look towards Jonas's room where he assumed Isak had gone to hide from him and then moved towards the door. Before he closed it behind himself he'd noticed Jonas already being gone but Magnus and Mahdi both staring at him with puckered eyebrows.

 

Then he hadn't seen anything anymore. He also didn't know how he'd gotten home. The only thing he remembered for sure was the bitter cold while walking home without his jacket and the tears that had streamed down his face while he'd felt like he'd just made the biggest mistake of his life.

 

What had he done? What had actually happened in there?

 

Was everything over now? Before it had even begun?

 

He'd been so distracted with the memories of last night that he had forgotten to check the clock for twenty minutes. _Fuck it_ , he thought and grabbed his things, making his way home.

 

 

 

The rest of the week went by, each day similar to the first one after the party. Even had felt guilty, sad and ashamed. He'd hurt. He didn't want to think about hurting Isak, it made him feel sick. He'd never wanted to cause him pain. He didn't even know what had been happening between them, let alone how one move from him had apparently destroyed the whole thing.

 

"He probably thinks you did not want to kiss him after all, that you'd decided on his offer to leave you alone", Mik said, shrugging his shoulders.

 

Elias agreed: "From what you've told us, I would've probably felt the same. He couldn't have been clearer with his intentions towards you, Even. He literally asked you to tell him if Sonja was who you wanted to be with, to tell him to _leave you alone_. And then, when he wanted to kiss you, after you _didn't say anything_ and most definitely looked at him the way you always do, then-- you withdrew."

 

Even took a deep breath. His friends were right. Of course they were.

 

"He got his answer either way." Mik felt bad for him, Even knew as much, but he also didn't shy away from telling him the hard truth. "You didn't even have to say anything. He tried to kiss you and you didn't want to kiss him, simple as that."

 

"But I _did_ want to kiss him." It was out there before Even could even register what he'd said.

 

"Did you?" Yousef tried to hide the grin about to occupy his face.

 

"I-- yes, I guess. Yeah." Why was all of this so fucking confusing?

 

Nevertheless, according to Elias he wasn't going to get away with his admission that easily. "Ev, come on. What's going on? If you want to salvage things with Isak, you have to admit to yourself what it actually is that you want. You can't keep getting his hopes up if you're still planning on getting  back together with Sonja."

 

It was Sunday and the four of them were assembled around his kitchen table, sharing an early dinner.

 

"If I only knew... fuck!" Even's slice of pizza landed next to his plate. He really shouldn't throw around his food.

 

"You do, though. You've been with Sonja for so long, it's second nature to you, of course you miss her and want her back in your life. But how do you feel when you stand in front of Isak? What does he make you feel? Do you think it's simply attraction?" Mik wanted to know, ignoring Even's little outburst with the pizza slice.

 

"I never know what to feel or to do or to say for that matter. It's like high-school all over again, like, when you like someone for the first time. That's what he makes me feel, I guess. I'm a nervous wreck around him, guys, it's really embarrassing", Even finally admitted. His friends really were right, he needed to figure out what he wanted. Who he wanted.

 

"And when you're not around him? Are you thinking about Sonja then?", Mik inquired further.

 

"I still think about Sonja, it's just lonely at home without her", Even said.

 

"So, you're not thinking about Isak then?" Mik really wouldn't give up today, it seemed.

 

"You know, I do. I miss him as well, I want him to be around me, for some reason. Like, all the time. I don't even know him that well. It's really stupid, a stupid crush!" He didn't want to discuss this further, it only made him sad. Why ever that was.

 

"Okay, so it's just a crush and you want Sonja back. Why do you care so much about what happened at that party, then? Why torment yourself with what you may have done to him? That he's hurting?" Elias wanted to know now, apparently done with just listening.

 

"I just... I don't know, okay?" Even was getting annoyed. Why was he interrogated by his own friends right now?

 

"Do you still feel that way for Sonja, Ev? I know you love her, you always will, but are there butterflies when you think about her? Does she make you excited like a high-school kid when you're about to see her? Do you still dream about _being_ with her?" This time it was Yousef's turn.

 

"It's been eight years, guys, come on. Of course, the honeymoon-phase is over." What kind of questions were these? They were being ridiculous.

 

"It doesn't necessarily have to be that way, I'm still in that phase and it's been four years", Yousef disagreed.

 

Elias coughed. "Dude, too much information. That's my sister you're talking about, what the fuck?!"

 

"Also you literally just got married this year! Even's been having sex for so long, maybe he's just over it?" Mik joked, trying not to laugh at his own words but failing.

 

Elias was holding his hands over his ears, looking positively uncomfortable. Just like Even was feeling through this whole conversation, _Serves him right!_

"What the fuck, Mik? Did you honestly suggest I was tired of sex? What's wrong with you?" Even couldn't believe him.

 

Mik was finally done laughing. "No, but seriously, when was the last time you and Sonja-- you know?"

 

It took Even a moment to answer. He realised just then that he didn't even know. And that had never, in no relationship ever, been a good sign. He couldn't even remember. Maybe after this one party?! He wasn't sure though. Sonja and him, it was always about something with the two of them. They had had their happy times, of course, he could recall effortless, easy times where there had been so much love between the two of them. But the last years had been a struggle, it had been on and off, however, they couldn't get away from each other. Had never felt the urge to end their relationship permanently. It was what it was. They loved each other but their lives weren't a fairytale.

 

"That long, huh?!" Elias who had taken down his hands shook him out of his thoughts. _God_ , he would never live this down.

 

Even closed his eyes. This was not happening.

 

"Do you think about _him_ , then? When you get yourself off?" Even had known this question would be next, he'd just hoped Mik would be nice enough not to ask it.

 

"We're done talking about my sex life, guys! I can't believe this!" Even moved to get himself another glass of water.

 

"Okay, okay. We're just trying to help, you know that, right? Just think about it when we're gone. Who you really want to be with, I mean." Mik didn't push any further after that, neither did the other boys, and eventually they fell into conversation about something else.

 

 

When his friends had left and Even lay on his couch, staring at the ceiling, feeling lonely all over, his thoughts wandered back to him, to Isak. Not to Sonja. He was lulled to sleep soon after, still thinking of green eyes.

 

He woke up an hour later, a wet spot over his crotch, feeling like a teenager all over again.

 

He had his answer though. That wet dream had most definitely not featured Sonja.

 

It had been all Isak.

 

Isak who was still hurting because of him.

 

He'd just needed a second to think, to process Isak's words. He hadn't even registered that Isak was moving towards him at first. How close he had been eventually had pulled him out of his thoughts, had surprised him. It had just been a stupid reflex to take a step back, not an admission that he didn't _want_ Isak.

 

Of course, he wanted Isak. Why all this drama otherwise?

 

He'd shut him down a long time ago, if there wasn't an ounce within him that savoured being near Isak. Even knew that deep down.

 

His problems with Sonja had made him accessible from Isak's point of view, and Even hadn't put a stop to it.

 

Isak had slowly integrated himself into Even's thoughts, his life, probably his heart, too.

 

He still didn't know what all of this really meant but he knew that he needed to apologise to Isak, make it right. It had been four days by now and Even couldn't bare it anymore that Isak felt as if he didn't want to kiss him just as much.

 

After changing his boxers and pants and splashing some water in his face, Even filled the cat's bowl again and then grabbed his wallet and keys. It was past eight on a Sunday evening but Isak needed to know the truth. At least, the truth Even was currently willing to admit to himself.

 

And it had to be done face to face.

 

 

Standing in front of Isak's and Jonas's flat's door, Even was suddenly not so confident about it all anymore. What if Isak would slam the door in his face? What if he wouldn't want to talk to Even?

 

He should have thought this through.

 

He could hear someone talking in there, though, and he didn't want them to find him standing there like the idiot that he was.

 

So he rang the bell and waited.

 

The person he'd heard seemed to walk towards the door as he could hear footsteps. At the same time his phone signalled a new message. Even didn't want to be disturbed right now but the screen showed an all-too familiar name.

 

 _Sonja_.

 

His eyes scanned the text before he could stop himself.

 

_**Hi Ev, I'm ready now. I just needed some time. I'm sorry. Can I come over tomorrow? I miss you.** _

And then the door in front of him was being opened. He shook his head in disbelief, averted his eyes from his phone and it was Jonas standing in front of him, not Isak.

 

"Ugh, what do you think you're doing here? He was clearly annoyed just seeing Even.

 

And Even was completely overwhelmed. He stood in front of Isak's flat and Sonja had chosen that moment to text him she wanted to get back together.

 

He was _so_ fucked. He didn't know what to do.

 

"I-- eh, I just wanted--", stuttered Even.

 

But since karma really was a bitch, the whole situation just kept getting worse.

 

He heard him before he saw him. "Jonas, what's taking so long? Do you need more money for the pizza?" And with that Isak came out of their kitchen, his wallet in hand, apparently expecting the delivery service.

 

Even stopped talking and Isak stopped walking as soon as their eyes met.

 

Isak looked _so beautiful_.

 

Only an "Uhh" left Isak's mouth and for a second nobody said anything else.

 

Everything seemed to stand still, until his phone buzzed again.

 

Out of reflex his eyes landed on the screen.

 

 _Sonja_. Again.

_**Come on, love. I know you miss me, too.** _

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The first three weeks have been too good to be true. I'm sorry but I didn't get around to writing until now.  
> I realised I shouldn't have started this only weeks before I had to start working on my master thesis :D  
> I'll definitely continue the story but there probably won't be any more weekly updates.
> 
> Ok, enough with the sad!  
> I hope you enjoyed reading the new chapter and I would love to hear your thoughts on it :)
> 
> The boys tried their best but it seems Even's as confused as ever after those texts from Sonja.  
> I know, there was no real interaction between E+I in here. So Isak playing hard to get in the next one, or a proper conversation? What do you think?
> 
>  
> 
> The response to the last chapter was so great, thank you all so much!!!  
> It made me finish the chapter just now because I felt really bad about not having done so after reading your comments again :D :)))


	5. Like One of These Boy Bands, Babe

 

 

It was when Even eventually tore his gaze away from the screen of his smart phone and dared to look into Isak’s eyes again, that Jonas decided it was about time to put an end to the whole situation.

 

“As soon as you're done staring at your phone, it'd be kind of great if you could let us know why you thought it would be a good idea to come here. But I mean, no pressure or anything.” Jonas's words were dripping with sarcasm but they made Even snap out of the whirlwind of emotions he was currently experiencing and come back to the situation at hand.

 

Isak.

 

He was at Isak’s.

 

Isak was only metres away but he needed to get closer to him. It was absolutely ridiculous but Even felt as if an invisible band was tugging at him, urging him to take the few steps that were separating them.

 

“I'm sorry. Ehm, is there any—would you be willing—I mean, I really need to talk to you, Isak.” Even was consciously ignoring Jonas to his left and instead focusing on Isak only.

 

Right now that was all that mattered, Jonas had to excuse his rudeness.

 

Jonas wasn’t his biggest fan at the moment anyway, so he would have a lot to make up for eventually. He just couldn’t think too much about it right this second.

 

He needed to fix things with Isak. That was his main priority. He really needed to be able to sleep properly again. He needed to concentrate on his projects at work. He even had to focus more on his pet at home that had been angry with him for the last couple of days, simply because he didn't give it the attention it deserved and was used to. _Spoiled cat._

 

He needed to do all these things, he knew he did. But his life had been one big shit show right up until this very minute since Isak had walked out on him and he'd been practically thrown out of the same flat we was now trying to get into.

 

Even had to get back his life that had somehow been turned upside down ever since this overly-confident, too-honest yet beautifully-sensitive good friend of Sana's had tumbled into it.

 

“E, this is Isak”, had Elias said after he'd walked over with this tall blond guy that looked vaguely familiar to Even. And then: “You two have fun!” With a smirk on his face. Sounding as if he'd known something Even hadn't been aware of yet.

 

Well, it proved right. How could he have known this _tall blond guy_ would go on making him feel all these feelings. Making him want all these things. Making him loose _his damn mind_.

 

But first and foremost, making him betray Sonja. Almost. Not technically but still.

 

It had felt so wrong all the while. Isak flirting with him, trying to kiss him. Trying to get Even to kiss him.

 

Yet at the same time it had felt so unequivocally right. So right that he’d been able to feel it deep within his bones.

 

And there hadn’t even happened anything yet. Nothing proper.

 

Longing looks and steps taken forward. Sweet nothings whispered. Breaths and warmth of two bodies shared. The knowledge of want and desire passed onto the other. That invisible band always letting them find one another in the end.

 

And now, the band was broken. Their heated closeness had turned cold. There was no passed-on desire in Isak’s eyes anymore. Just hurt. Probably confusion as to why Even was standing in his doorway as well.

 

So, Even had to sleep and work and pet his cat again but none of those things would actually work until he'd get the chance to clear the air with Isak.

 

Because quite frankly, _he_ was the only thing Even had been able to focus on since Jonas’s birthday. _He_ was the reason for the bags under his eyes, his boss stressing him about pending deadlines and his cat only hissing at him recently.

 

It wasn’t _his_ fault, god no, but _he_ was what was on Even's mind.

 

There hadn’t been any thoughts on Sonja since that evening. Since she rebuffed him, not even wanting to speak with him.

 

And now, out of all the moments she could have chosen, now, she was texting him again.

 

Even knew what her message meant, had sent her similar ones throughout the years. She wanted to get back together. Be his girlfriend again.

 

He wanted that, too. He did. It was all he'd ever really known.

 

They were a team. Sonja had once put it as followed: “We're like one of these boy bands, babe. The one that splits up or goes on hiatus from time to time. They might do their own thing in between but there’s never any bad blood and there’s absolutely no question about them always finding their way back to each other. There's always a comeback in the making, love. They always come back.”

 

He'd laughed back then. Sonja who he'd once found dancing to some boy band-playlist on _Spotify_ while making them breakfast. Sonja who had vehemently assured him that her phone had been on shuffle and she had only realised what was playing when she'd heard Even chuckling by the refrigerator. Sonja whose statements were ridiculous judging by the way she had swayed her hips to the beat and cheerfully sang along to all the lyrics.

 

Sonja who wasn't here right now.

 

Sonja who he hadn’t thought about for four days.

 

Sonja who wasn’t Isak.

 

 _Isak_ who was standing there, looking at him. Expectantly, waiting, challenging, sad.

 

Isak who was... _Isak_.

 

 

***

 

 

He'd been so sure that Jonas - again - hadn't taken enough money with him to pay the delivery guy. He'd been expecting some beer, the best pizza in town and one of their traditional carefully-planned evenings. First _FIFA_ , then some stupid action movie or a re-run of _Narcos_. Food and drinks all along, maybe a joint subsequent to their football games, _never before_.

 

Isak wasn't sure about the weed though since they'd been cutting back on drugs throughout the years, especially Isak. He also had no idea if Jonas even had some right now.

 

And while the last time he'd smoked probably had been nearly four months ago, Isak was kind of hoping, the two of them could revive that old habit tonight. Just to let loose, release some tension, feel _lighter_. To shut out these thoughts that kept coming up, memories he wanted to forget for a while, forever.

 

He'd just hoped for a fun night with his best friend, blocking out everything that could possibly stress them.

 

When he turned around the corner, wallet in hand, and laid eyes on exactly the person responsible for the memories he didn't want to be remembered of for _one_ night, he'd considered turning around and just avoiding _him_ altogether. However, it had just been a second, during the next Isak had acknowledged defeat. Even was here, at his house. He would have to deal with it like the grown-up he usually claimed to be.

 

Still, he wasn't really able to do anything other than stare at him at first. Dumbfounded. He registered Even staring at his phone, an even more pained expression on his face than moments before. He registered Jonas addressing Even, way too unpleasant for his normally ever-so-charming self.

 

It was crystal clear that Jonas wanted Even gone. He was truly a good best friend. _The best_.

 

And Jonas's tone seemed to get through to Even who then pocketed his phone and went on stuttering. Words directed at Isak. Ignoring Jonas.

 

Talk. He needed to talk. With Isak.

 

Well, well.

 

So Isak began to speak. He spoke to Jonas though. "Just let him in, Jonas. I'll let him talk for a bit." Jonas's eyes found his, searching, wanting to make sure this was really what Isak wanted. Isak just gave a barely visible affirmative nod, then swung around and soon passed from view, lost somewhere in the flat for the two remaining at the entrance.

 

He went into his bedroom and since the flat wasn't the biggest, he could hear Jonas's "Are you waiting for written consent or what? I'd like to close this fucking door sometime tonight" and had to hold back a laugh.

 

He'd completely ignored Even when he'd walked away. Isak just expected him to follow suit, to understand that this was him giving Even a chance to talk.

 

If Even would manage to get into his room, _possibly today_.

 

Eventually he was there, though. Standing in his doorway, looking around for Isak, finding what he'd been looking for, sighing, closing the door behind him, taking a couple of tentative steps towards the desk where Isak had taken a seat.

 

It seemed as though Even didn't quite know what to say or how to start right then. He was struggling, that Isak could sense. _Why did he have to be so handsome?_

 

To not have to concentrate on Even's pretty face any longer, Isak said: "I'm not really sure what's there to talk about, Even. I was under the impression that everything had been said." And because he couldn't hold it back, he continued with: "With words... or otherwise."

 

Even looked up at that, into Isak's eyes. Even's eyes reflected _so much_ in that moment. Embarrassment, confusion, pain but also a glimpse of hope.

 

"I don't think there has been said nearly enough." His voice sounded hoarse. Getting over his typical, instantaneous admiring of Even's features, Isak also found him to look tense and tired with dark circles under the eyes. _Welcome to the club_ , he thought. It also brought up this nagging question he'd been trying to ignore since laying eyes on Even. Why would he be so affected by all of this?

 

Maybe it hadn't worked out with Sonja after all. Maybe he just couldn't handle another person being-- what exactly? Isak wasn't angry with Even, he was mostly sad. Disappointed. His heart ached.

 

He consequently ignored his subconscious yelling in the back of his mind that maybe, just maybe, Even had found his way to their flat because he regretted what happened between them. That Even would want to choose Isak after all. _No way_. His subconscious was one masochistic bitch. Isak stood up, his right hand going through his hair, looking for a distraction just like the rest of him.

 

Ultimately, Isak couldn't hold back a snort and averted his gaze. "I do", he sighed. "And I'm not even sure I want to hear what you have to say right now. This is so fucked up. Maybe you should just go after all."

 

He definitely couldn't stand here and go through Even talking about his precious on-off-girlfriend. _Not gonna happen_.

 

"If you really want me to, Isak, I will. It's just... I know you don't owe me anything but these past few days have been the worst and I just really need to get some things off my chest." Even sounded even more pleading by now. _Here it comes_ , Isak concluded. His earlier assumption had been right, Even looked the part and apparently he was feeling like it as well. And now he'd come to say what he hadn't gotten the chance to before. Which, still, didn't make any sense to Isak, it just didn't.

 

They were going in circles here. This was heading nowhere. "I offered to leave you alone, Even. So you could get back with Sonja. You made it clear that was what you wanted. There's nothing for us to talk about after that. I don't want to hear about you and Sonja... or whatever."

 

"But that's not even what happened!", exclaimed Even.

 

"Are you kidding me? Of course that's what happened. I tried to kiss you, _again_. After I poured my heart out to you, _again_. And then you-- as if you'd burnt yourself-- as if the thought of kissing me was that repulsive--I..." Isak knew they were goading each other now. He was nearly shouting because there was all this pent-up frustration inside of him, having seen the chance to get some of it out and then having taken it. He also knew that with their current sound level, Jonas would be able to hear everything, possibly his neighbours, too. It therefore didn't surprise him when he heard the door click shut, instead he was silently thanking Jonas for giving him some much needed privacy.

 

It did, however, surprise Even and the both of them kind of lost their train of thoughts for a second.

 

Isak regained his composure faster and Even must have noticed that he was about to go on another rant because the next thing Isak felt was Even gripping on his shoulders, slightly shaking him. "ISAK!"

 

He fell silent then, staring up at Even, so he continued, scarcely audible: "I didn't think kissing you would be _repulsive_." Even had stopped shaking him by then but his firm grip on Isak's shoulders remained. Somehow grounding the both of them again. So much so that Isak felt instantly bad for his little outburst. That was not to say that it hadn't felt _damn_ good.

 

"But you--" He was immediately interrupted by Even: "Yes! I stepped away from you but it wasn't because I didn't want to kiss you, Isak. I didn't even think about it, not until I realised how it must've looked from your perspective. I was just _thinking_ , I needed a moment to collect my thoughts..."

 

"Yeah sure", Isak spit out. _This was getting better and better._ He could feel himself getting agitated again. _What a load of bullshit._

 

When he twisted himself free from Even's hands, Even finally caught on. "You don't believe me?"

 

"Would you?" Isak laughed. "We were finally going to kiss. Two failed attempts and it was finally going to happen and you were _what_? Thinking? Sorry, you're right, that sounds totally plausible."

 

"Ugh Isak! I'm sorry that I was a little bit overwhelmed with everything, with what you had just told me. It's not every day that I'm being told stuff like that... and it probably should not have been a situation in which I had to think, it should've just been clear as day but... _fuck_ , I just needed a moment. And you kind of startled me after I registered you were coming nearer--I..." Somehow while Even went on trying to explain what had been going through his head said evening, Isak's pulse had gone down, he'd become more calm, he was actually listening to Even for the first time without his subconscious providing running commentary.

 

And then things took a whole different turn. _Not that he would complain_.

 

Even had been talking for a while and suddenly _somehow_ ended on this: "-- all I've been thinking about these last few weeks is _fucking_ kissing you, you idiot. Of course I wanted to. I _want_ to, Isak." He had talked himself into a rage but then their eyes locked and it was suddenly very silent. Except for footsteps, eventually followed by the clashing together of lips.

 

Even had walked over, taken Isak's face between his fingers and put his lips on Isak's.

 

Isak could feel _everything_ all of a sudden. Even's body heat, his breath mingling with his own, the roughness of his chapped lips, the ease of his sweet, sweet tongue finding its way into Isak's mouth as if it'd done it a thousand times before. The last remains of numbness from the previous days left his body the second he could feel Even's loving but cautious hands on him.

 

It was exactly what he'd imagined it would be like--and then ten times better. _Heaven_.

 

It was also over before it had really begun. Before he'd had time to make a backup of it in order to restore it in the depth of his brain for him to play it back as often as possible in the future.

 

Even had kissed _him_. Even was _kissing_ him.

 

And then he wasn't.

 

Instead he'd brought some - too much - distance between them. Standing there, pupils blown, panting.

 

Isak could see he was clearly shocked at his own behaviour. Isak was, too. Shocked but not displeased. Not at all displeased. _So_ pleased.

 

In a matter of seconds, Even's expression changed again and this time there was something else written across his face. Something that immediately made Isak want to throw up.

 

 _Guilt_.

 

"Wait. No. I--We can't-- I need to talk to Sonja first." Isak's face fell, even though he tried to mask his anew disappointment. A moment ago, they'd been kissing. He'd been able to finally feel Even's lips on his and then-- they 'd been just gone, too far away again.

 

Even left him no time to process as he went on: "You understand, right?" Even's hopeful glance making his guts convulse in the most painful way. _Stupid, stupid Even_.

 

Even said: "I know you don't know the whole situation between me and her, and now's not the time for that either but-- you understand, right? That I have to talk to her? That I can't-- _won't_ be cheating on her with you."

 

And the absolutely worst part was that Even was _fucking_ right. Isak didn't want to be cheating either. Would not have touched him ever again, had he come here to tell him about his fruitful reconciliation with Sonja. Nevertheless, the man had come here talking about kissing him, had then actually kissed him and had then remembered that there was this woman waiting for him who was his - not really - girlfriend of sorts.

 

This was an _utter_ mess already. Isak had never cheated on anyone, condemned anyone who did strongly--

 

And then-- Isak threw caution to the wind, abandoned all his morals and just didn't care for a quick second. Before Even was able to walk out of the door completely, he tugged on his arm, made him turn around and practically lunged at him. He knew he'd regret it tomorrow, well _maybe_ \- _yes_ maybe, he knew Even would probably not be happy with him but all of that didn't matter.

 

What mattered was that he needed to feel those lips on his own again.

 

He didn't know when they would see each other again, didn't know how Even's conversation with Sonja would go, above all things didn't know how the evening had suddenly turned out the way it had.

 

He didn't know what the fuck he was doing but he sure as hell knew this: Even had kissed him. _Fucking finally_.

 

So this time it was Isak's turn. He crashed his lips into Even's as if his life depended on it. It wasn't sweet and tender, an admission of something long overdue, as their first kiss had been.

 

No, it was all lips and teeth and tongues. Exploring fast and passionately, a hint of possessiveness thrown in.

 

While Isak was trying to savour the feeling of kissing Even, he was simultaneously reminding him that there was no turning back now. Not after Even had finally kissed him.

 

The kiss served as a reminder.

 

A reminder that Even was _his_ now.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well.. some soul-searching, a little bit of 'hard to get' on Isak's part, it's not quite the 'proper conversation' you would've probably imagined.  
> So often it's all about going in circles and miscommunication and preconceived ideas and talking past each other. So, here's some of that. They clearly need to learn to communicate better ;D
> 
> I hope you liked it! I just looove to read your thoughts on the chapters, so thanks a million to you lovely people in the comment section! And of course to all of you reading and leaving kudos as well! 
> 
> By the way, how do you like Jonas so far? I feel like everyone should've a Jonas like that!
> 
> See you next time :*
> 
> (Not proofread yet, literally just finished it :D)


	6. Everything

 

He listened to the quick footsteps on the parquet as well as the front door being shut before he even dared to open his eyes again.

 

_Fuck._

 

He'd known he would regret it, well not regret it but feel guilty about it at least, and now Even was gone for merely a couple of seconds and Isak could already feel the slimy feeling running through his body, sticking to his intestines, making it nearly impossible to get rid of again.

 

Even had had the look on his face. Isak could feel it everywhere by now. _The guilt_.

 

Then again, and he'd probably made that argument a hundred times up until now but, Even and Sonja weren't actually a couple. Whatever weird arrangement the two of them had lived in for the past _too-many_ years, Isak knew for a fact that they were on a break.

 

Technically, he hadn't broken any of his self-imposed rules of _how to be a decent person_ , still, he felt like vomiting.

 

It was all Even's fault. He had taken Isak with him on this guilt trip as soon as he'd broken free of his lips.

 

And then, they'd kissed again. To be fair, Isak _had_ kissed him.

 

In the end, it had been wrong- _ish_. Isak had spent weeks trying to get Even to like him back. Weeks trying to get Even to kiss him. Weeks imagining _those lips_ on all kinds of parts of his own body.

 

He'd never felt particularly bad for Sonja then, because, in his mind, what kind of person would willingly request time apart from someone like Even? It had to mean that they weren't all that well-suited for each other. It had to, _right_?

 

He'd written off Even's insistence on calling Sonja his girlfriend as nostalgia or even a ploy to get him to stop flirting and talking about his feelings. He hadn't even considered that Even hadn't been ready to let go of Sonja. He'd just assumed he was hiding behind her, hiding from his attraction towards Isak. Because if he'd known one thing for sure during all these weeks, it was that Even was indeed attracted to him. Had been from the get-go, from the moment they'd been introduced to each other. Isak wasn't _that_ daft.

 

Well, maybe, it had been a little bit of everything. Nostalgia, a ploy, hiding, _whatever_.

 

He was feeling bad now, though. Even was going to talk to Sonja, possibly breaking up with her, cutting the cord that seemingly still connected the two. And Isak, Isak had attacked Even with his mouth, his hands, _everything_ , despite knowing that Even didn't want to, _couldn't_ , go any further before speaking with Sonja.

 

 _Ugh, life was messy_. Why did everything have to be so complicated all the time? Why did he have to fall for someone who still had one foot in an old relationship? Why wasn't he able to control himself around this gorgeous human being that was Even Bech Næsheim? _Ugh_.

 

Isak didn't feel like doing anything else that evening, so after changing out of the hoodie that he could've sworn was smelling a little bit like Even and into his usual t-shirt deemed for sleeping, he slipped under his covers. It was way too early to go to bed, at least compared to his usual bed time, and his head was spinning but somehow sleep found him not long after.

 

 

 

He woke up the next day thanks to the alarm on his phone, feeling oddly rested. He then realised there were no new messages, meaning Even hadn't bothered to check in. It only backed up Isak's worries.

 

They hadn't talked about anything else, had just stood in front of each other, breathing in each other's faces, both unsure of how to proceed after Isak had so enthusiastically ignored Even's plea. The _no-more-kissing_ thing.

 

Even had just bored his eyes into Isak's and taken a deep breath before turning around _again_ and this time actually making his way out of the flat.

 

What if he'd decided there would never again be any kissing whatsoever between them? What if Even had, over night, reasoned with himself and found that he'd rather confess to Sonja and then fight for _their_ relationship?

 

Isak wouldn't be able to handle that after everything they'd shared the evening before.

 

He knew he was probably overreacting, that Even just needed some time to meet up with Sonja, time to say goodbye to his old life.

 

He also knew that there were no guarantees. They had let their lips do the talking but never actually spoke about what would happen now. What they _were_ to each other going forward, after confessing their feelings to each other.

 

Not knowing made him dizzy and he had to steady his grip on the handle over him on the tram.

 

Isak knew now that Even had also wanted to kiss him. He knew.

 

But there were so many unknowns, so much he didn't know, so much he wasn't able to grasp yet.

 

What if Even had already talked to Sonja? What if he would want exactly what Isak wanted? What if everything would just fall into place as soon as they'd see each other again?

 

It wouldn't though. Nothing fell magically into place. And _everything_ with Even was just a tad bit too much all the time.

 

Too loud, too desperate, too chaotic, too fast, too slow, too close, too far away, too serious, too unsettling, too _real_.

 

 _Everything_ about them had been too real and too much from the start. And it was catching up with Isak how much he'd been consumed by Even for weeks, how much he still was.

 

It made him wonder. Wonder if it was supposed to be like this. If it should be like this. Or if maybe he should pull the brake just a little bit. Catch a breath.

 

Although he wanted nothing more than to see, _to feel_ , Even again, when he'd stepped out of the tram at the nearest station to the lab he worked at, he'd made a decision regarding this whole situation.

 

There was only one thing he could do right now, if he wanted to stay sane. He just needed to tell himself that a couple more times.

 

 

⁕⁕⁕

 

 

This was it. It was actually happening. He was actually about to walk into Sonja's flat share and end it. End _them_. Break up with the one person that knew him better than anyone else on this earth. Put a stop to their strange ways of loving and resenting each other, of years and years spent bathing in implicit trust and deeper understanding as well as revelling in the possibilities of the _what ifs_ outside of their relationship.

 

Even was going to sign off on them. And he was going to do it for Isak.

 

No, not actually _for_ Isak, rather because of him. Even was going to do this for himself but he was going to do it with the image of green eyes on his mind and the phantom feeling of _his_ lips on his own.

 

He was also going to do it for Sonja. As weird as that may sound. They couldn't be _them_ anymore. Not when what he was feeling for somebody else was turning his life upside down in this way. Not when a kiss with Isak seemed to have confirmed everything he'd been so adamant in denying, to his friends, to himself, to Isak. Even knew that this wasn't a onetime thing, not some short-lived infatuation. He knew that once he'd felt Isak's naked skin on his own, once he'd tasted his body, once he'd made Isak moan his name in sheer pleasure, there was no way in hell he would want to go back to Sonja eventually. He was pretty sure that once that had happened, well, all would be lost then. Certainly his senses.

 

 

He was closing a chapter, an epically long and tumultuous one at that, but he was starting a new one. An exciting one. One that made him feel things all over. One with Isak.

 

He didn't really know what the hell he was doing with his life right now but he knew, was sure of it, that this could only be _right_. So in the end, he wasn't all that hesitant when he rang the door bell to Sonja's flat.

 

 

 

He'd texted her last night, right after leaving Isak's building, right after calming down a little bit. He really hadn't expected things to turn out the way they eventually had done. He had known that there were too many misunderstandings between the both of them but having Isak actually think that he hadn't wanted to press his lips against _any part of Isak's face, really_ , just as badly, well, it had felt literally like somebody had kneed him in the guts.

 

So to be fair, there had really been only one option for Even at that point. _Go and kiss the hell out of him. NOW._ His subconscious might have sounded similar before Even had closed the distance between their bodies, and mouths.

 

If it wouldn't sound like straight out of some cheesy Hollywood rom-com, Even had been tempted to describe their first kiss as some sort of revelation. He wasn't _that_ pretentious though. Still, he was quite sure Sonja's affections had never made him feel like Isak's had done. They had made him feel other great things, different things. They had made him fall even more in love with her every time the first couple of years. And then later on, they had made him stay with her or get back with her because being close to Sonja in whichever way had always transported him back to the way he was supposed to feel about her still.

 

Even didn't know what it was but it _was_ just different with Isak. And Even, quite frankly, couldn't wait to _feel_ all that again.

 

He blamed it on all these feelings floating around that he had actually forgotten that even though they were on a break and he was technically not doing anything wrong according to their relationship standards that Sonja was assuming they would just get back together now that she'd felt like it.

 

She had no idea about anything Isak-related and Even had to change that. So as soon as he'd been able to formulate a proper message, he'd send her a text that would most definitely alert her to the fact that everything was just not as it had always been. He knew she wouldn't insist on being told instantly what was on his mind, but it was only fair to give her at least the littlest, subtlest warning he could think of. In the end, he was about to end nearly eight years of being together the next day.

 

**_Hey love. I'm coming over to yours tomorrow, ok? Something happened and we need to talk._ **

****

****

 

When Sonja had opened the door, he knew she knew. She had had his look on her face, this knowing look. And still, she hadn't looked as heartbroken as one should expect someone to look before they're about to get dumped after eight years. Worse, Even had also not looked like that.

 

They came to the realisation that a breakup had probably been long overdue but neither of them had been completely ready to let go which had been why they would always end up reconciled.

 

 _They_ had always been the safe choice, something known and homely. They loved each other _so_ much but they had probably not been in love with each other, not the way they should be, for some time. They were best friends, were family, but they were lovers no more.

 

 

 

Even stepped out of the apartment, being over-emotional and on the verge of tears yet feeling light and free and _ready_. Ready for the unknown, _not_ -safe with Isak. Taking his phone out of his pocket and scanning the screen for new notifications, he froze on the spot though.

 

Isak had messaged him. It wasn't what he'd expected. Not at all.

 

**_Hi Even. I'm sorry but I feel like we should not see each other for a while._ **

 

He couldn't really describe all the different things he was feeling after reading those words. Disbelief was probably the most prominent emotion. He'd just broken up with his girlfriend of eight years for  another person, and this person, Isak, he had the nerve to send him this message that sounded so much like a breakup. Even didn't really know if he should cry or laugh or... _what the fuck was going on?_

He pressed the call-button and while he waited for Sana to pick up the phone, he started to make his way to the next tram station.

 

"Hello? Even?" Sana asked in surprise. Rightly so, since Even never called her. Like ever.

 

"Yeah, hi Sana. Listen, could you give me the address of the lab Isak works at?" And when he could hear Sana's hesitation und wonder through his phone, he added: "And could you not ask why? I'm sorry, it's just really important. You most definitely won't get into trouble for it, I swear."

 

It took her a second and Even just knew that Sana knew. Sana _always_ knew. But then she said with that typical smirk to her voice: "Yes, sure." And then he was off, his destination in mind and dead set in his intentions.

 

He could see it on Isak's face that he clearly hadn't expected to come across Even in front of his workplace. Even couldn't care less though. While he made his way from where he'd been leaning against the building, Isak fixed his face, making it harder for Even to know exactly what was going on in that brain of his. He came to a halt in front of Isak and searched for some explanation in those green eyes.

 

"This day is really not turning out as I was expecting it. Like, not at all. 'I'm sorry but I feel like we should not see each other for a while.' Really??? Are you fucking kidding me, Isak?" He couldn't really hold back the anger that had been rising inside him since reading the words.

 

Isak didn't even flinch, had probably anticipated an outburst like this in the near future. "Well, all of this, _us_ , it's certainly not going as I expected it as well."

 

That wasn't good enough for Even, that wasn't even an attempt at an explanation.

 

He tried it less angry and more understanding this time around: "What are you doing, Isak? I just broke up with Sonja and after weeks of flirting and confessing your feelings you decide it's better not to see each other anymore?"

 

"I didn't say it was better, I just... this is all happening too fast and I feel like maybe--maybe I didn't really think too much about what I was getting myself into", said Isak.

 

"Now you're just lying to yourself." When Isak didn't immediately object, Even continued: "Nothing's happening too fast around here. This thing between us", he was pointing between them with his right hand, "it's been going on for weeks now. You had all the time in the world to prepare yourself for it, so don't give me some bullshit story of how you--" Even was being interrupted by then.

 

The words came calm and softer this time but had a certain bite to them still. "I couldn't really prepare myself for how I'd feel though, could I?"

 

That shut Even up properly. He just gaped at Isak for a second or two. When he managed to catch himself, he needed to know. "So what do you--feel, I mean?"

 

The response was immediate, like Isak had been waiting to get the words off his chest. "I think I panicked... I wasn't sure if you'd really go through with it, breaking up with her, you know. And then I just thought it'd probably be less painful if I didn't need to hear you say the words. I didn't want to but I felt like I was going insane and I just needed to _not_ see you today, so I could get my act together." Isak was smiling by then. "Well, that obviously didn't work as you were literally just lurking around my place of work. That's called stalking, you know?"

 

Even just rolled his eyes. He was more fixated on the fact that Isak still hadn't answered his previous question. "Yeah right, call _me_ the stalker!" He took a step forwards so Isak had to look up to him now. "What do you feel, though?"

 

Isak stared back. And then the playful smile from before broke into the biggest grin, lighting up his beautiful face. It was infectious, really. " _Everything_. Right now, I feel everything."

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for the long wait but I had to deal with some unfortunate real-life stuff that kept me from getting into the right mindset to write. Two days ago, I started writing again and it felt good! So, here's the sixth chapter for you :)
> 
> I'm still in love with the response to this story, so thanks so much for reading and commenting and leaving kudos and not forgetting about this little story of mine. Thank you! Much love to all of you!
> 
> Let me know what you think, Isak's a bit all over the place in this one.


	7. Everlong

 

 

_Hello, I've waited here for you_

_Everlong_

_If everything could ever feel this real forever_

_If anything could ever be this good again_

 

 

 

Isak had no fucking clue how he'd ended up at this place, in this very moment. But being able to look at Even from across the room, from the windowsill of Even's bedroom, he knew one thing for sure: He hadn't felt as calm, as peaceful, for a long time. For the longest time.

 

Sitting there in the dimly lit room, the sun only rising and this beautiful man between the sheets still in a deep slumber, his hair falling over his eyes, his left leg tucked up exposing nearly too much for Isak's eyes to handle at this hour, there wasn't really any other place he'd wish to be.

 

The flashes of memories from last night's turn of events made his cheeks still heat up a bit and with every movement his body reminded him of the fact that he indeed hadn't spent the night sleeping but more so _sleeping_ _with_ that long-legged, chap-lipped, oh-so-blue-eyed person over there on the bed. He felt sore all over but he felt _so_ good.

 

How the hell did he get here? How did he manage to end up in bed with the man he'd been obsessed with for months now? Isak just couldn't believe that he would get to have this, that he got to have this in the first place. Even was the most beautiful person inside and out according to Isak's admittedly subjective opinion. And then, he'd honestly broken up with his long-time girlfriend for Isak, he'd actually stood in front of the lab after Isak had tried to break it all off before _they_ could even start and he'd tugged on Isak's arm and led them both into his flat and then into his bed where they revealed themselves and their bodies to each other in the sweetest way and afterwards he'd embraced Isak like no other had before him. It still made him shiver. They simply fit. Even had wanted him to stay and Isak had wanted to stay. And right now it was dawn, and while the world awakened, this feeling, these feelings for Even, awakened once again as well.

 

Maybe he'd been too hasty, maybe he'd thought too much, maybe all the anticipation of being together had made him insecure about what he wanted, about what he was feeling. Yesterday, he'd said to better not see each other for a while. Today, that was the farthest thing from his mind. He could stare at Even for the rest of the day, breathing in the air that surrounded them, full of sweat and sex and Even and Isak and this weird caramel-scented candle on Even's dresser. He could sit there all day, content.

 

What had he been thinking yesterday? And how did he ever expect himself to go without this after he'd gotten a taste of it now? Being close to Even, kissing him, tasting him, falling asleep with him, waking up next to him, _being with_ him.

 

Isak knew he sounded like a sap right about now, but he'd honestly never felt this way about another person before. He'd never invested so much of his time in going after someone and he hadn't even known Even all that well. Hell, he still didn't. But if last night was any indication, they just fit. Plain and simple.

 

And when Isak turned his head towards the bed again, two blue eyes were staring into his own and _there they were again_ , the flashes of their past hours, reminding him of _just how much_ they did.

 

 

⁕

 

 

The first thing Isak could remember was the image of Even waiting outside the lab, looking both angry and satisfied when he spotted Isak spotting him. Isak had felt ambushed at first, he'd never told Even where he worked at and he certainly hadn't expected to see him today after the text message he had sent him. However, being in Even's presence, seeing him so outraged over that stupid text, lessened his own anger and made him feel all the things he'd been feeling for weeks. Even was just so endearing when he was upset with him.

 

The second thing Isak could remember was how Even had grabbed his face and clashed their lips together in the middle of the street in front of Isak's co-workers clearing out of the building. Kissed him for the whole world to see. Isak had just confessed his feelings in a way, he'd been overwhelmed by them, overwhelmed by Even and what their 'relationship' had been doing to him these past months. And then they'd been kissing, and kissing, and kissing some more.

 

The tram ride had been one big exercise in restraint. They'd still touched and kissed but to be honest, neither of them was a fan of too much public display of affection, so they toned it down a whole lot. Hence the exercise in restraint because if they hadn't been in public, they... well, they would get to it soon enough. Isak had known they were both thinking the same, were both feeling the same. This would only go one way for them, that much was clear. After months of flirting and dreaming and nearly-kissing, after they both knew now how they really felt about each other, there had been no way they could actually _stop_. They hadn't even discussed where they were going, it was in silent agreement that they took the tram that would lead them towards Even's flat.

 

The third thing Isak could remember from last night was the way Even had held onto him as he navigated them through his small apartment, making Isak familiar with the different rooms ("This is the kitchen by the way...") while their mouths had never been apart from each other for more than a couple of seconds. It had been in front of the coat rack next to the floor-length mirror that they both had gotten rid of their shoes and jackets. It had been in the middle of the living room that Isak had somehow lost his shirt after he'd gotten Even out of his sweater by scraping his fingernails over his chest, only shortly stopping at his nipples, before lifting the annoying piece of clothing over Even's head and losing it somewhere behind the couch. Isak was quite certain that it had been against the glass door of the shower that Even had sunk to his knees and buried his head in Isak's crotch, making out his semi-hard length with his nose and planting lingering kisses all over the fabric. Isak was quite certain but not completely as his sanity had bid goodbye at that point, surrendering towards Even's skilful hands and loving lips. Isak had also said goodbye to his jeans against that shower door before Even had repeated his actions, with Isak now rock-hard, only to try and swallow him through his boxers before Isak had shoved him away gently with a moaned "My turn". They had left the bathroom and made it into Even's study-slash-cat-room and while Even had been trying to locate his cat, Isak had pushed some books from and Even onto the wooden desk, had told him to lift his ass off the table for a second and had then swallowed him almost whole. At least that had shut Even up as his bloody cat was nowhere to be seen anyway.

 

When Even had pushed Isak away from himself in order not to come yet, he'd seriously continued with the house-tour. Isak in his boxers, already with a wet spot in the front, and Even without any boxers whatsoever in only a plain white t-shirt. As Even had presented the kitchen, Isak had shoved him forward though, towards the only door going from the hallway that they hadn't entered yet. Therefore, it could've only been the bedroom and the bedroom had been where Isak longed to be right then. In Even's bedroom, on Even's bed, between Even's sheets and most desperately inside Even, if he would have him. Or Even inside him, didn't really matter, as long as he'd get to feel _all of Even_ , at last.

 

It had been in Even's bedroom then that Isak and Even had lost the rest of their clothes, all their inhibitions as well as their minds. Nobody needed to know yet if Isak had also lost another piece of his heart to Even that night.

 

The fourth thing Isak could remember, and it was one of his most memorable recollections of the previous evening, was how he'd found himself underneath this beautiful man as he connected them in the most intimate way possible while whispering sweet nothings into Isak's ear. Whispering everything he'd ever wanted to hear. Even's longing glances, his hot touch, his mouth on every part of Isak's body, his gentle-then-rough-then-feather-light hands, his choppy breathing and lustful moans but especially his skin connected to Isak's own skin, melting into one, Isak had saved all of it for later access, for whenever he wouldn't have Even with him in the future.

 

The next thing Isak could remember was how they hadn't stopped after one round. Hadn't had enough of each other, never enough of each other. He remembered turning Even onto his stomach and making him come with his tongue before returning the favour of connecting their bodies, sinking into Even as far as possible, pressing into him until hitting that sweet spot inside of him, making him shout out Isak's name. Isak could remember thinking how he had been missing out all of these years. He'd had great sex, phenomenal sex before, but he'd never had sex with someone like Even. Someone he deeply cared for, even though they had only known each other for such a short period of time. Someone he could see himself love.

 

Isak remembered a lot of things about the previous night, his favourite thing to remember, however, was still the way Even had put his arm around him after they were nearly passed out from all that mind-blowing physical exercise, how he'd breathed in Isak as he'd nuzzled his face into Isak's neck, how he'd kissed Isak's forehead good-night and how Isak had fallen asleep to the sound of Even's steady breathing.

 

God, he was _so gone_.

 

 

 

⁕⁕⁕

 

 

 

"Morning", said Even, rather a yawn than anything else, "did you sleep well?"

 

Isak just nodded. He looked so beautiful, the sun streaming inside the room from behind him, illuminating him in such a way it made Even's heart flutter a little bit. There he was, on his windowsill, in his bedroom. In nothing more than boxers and some of Even's fluffy socks. It felt like straight out one of the dreams he'd had of Isak since the day he had met him. It felt too surreal for it to be real this time around.

 

"We should eat something. Let's eat, yeah?" By now, Even had sat up, the sheets fallen from his body, leaving exactly nothing to Isak's imagination, _if_ he had been imagining before.

 

It was obvious that Isak was trying not to be phased by it when he spoke up. "Why?"

 

Even smirked at that. "To regain some of our strength, of course. I think we're both in need of some strength-regaining."

 

"Do you, now?" If Isak's grin did something to Even, nobody had to know.

 

"I do, don't you?", he asked.

 

"I'd much rather have you come over here." Isak was leaning against the windowsill, continuing: "You could regain some of that _strength_ you apparently so desperately need by coming over here and helping me out of these boxer shorts. You see, I'm really in need of that."

 

Seeing how hard Isak was trying not to laugh, made Even burst out laughing in the end.

 

 _Thank God_. Otherwise the morning would have most definitely taken a different turn. Even, though, had to stay strong right now.

 

"Okay, enough with the dirty talk. Let's get some food into you." Still laughing, he put on some boxers and grabbed the first shirt in sight which turned out to be Isak's and therefore a tad bit too small for him.

 

"I really, really want to say something else right now, you've made it soooo easy, Even", he heard Isak faux-complaining.

 

"Please don't!", he suggested.

 

"Okay, here goes nothing: How about you get _something else_ into--"

 

Even didn't let him finish though. "Do not finish that sentence, Isak!" He'd gotten close to Isak, putting his hand over Isak's mouth, trying to keep from grinning too much himself.

 

"Spoilsport!", Isak said as soon as Even let his hand fall to Isak's waist, pulling him even closer. "Alright, tell me why exactly you would choose breakfast over helping me get naked?" Even could feel Isak's hands wandering over his back and resting on his ass, gripping tight.

 

"Ughh, don't say it like that! I have to be a responsible parent, Isak, stop tempting me." Isak let go and Even tugged on his arm again, just like he had done the day before, leading them outside the bedroom. "As resourceful as she is, the cat doesn't feed herself. So move that lovely butt of yours, so I can make the cat happy and make us something to eat so that I'll be able to make _you_ really happy again!" The last part of that sentence, Even whispered into Isak's ear from behind while manoeuvring them into the kitchen and then they burst out laughing once again to the sounds of the hungry cat bustling around their feet.

 

"Okay, you're absolutely right. Enough with the dirty talk!", Isak laughed as he hopped onto the kitchen table and Even felt himself being pulled between his legs before their lips smashed together for their first kiss that morning.

 

_Oh, if anything could ever be this good again._

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back with a new chapter, wow, it only took forever!  
> This chapter is really sappy because let's face it, we all miss Isak and Even, don't we?
> 
> It'll probably be even longer before I'll be able to continue this, so if anyone of you wants to bridge the time with something else I've written, take a look here: http://archiveofourown.org/works/10737486 :)
> 
> Also I somehow felt like including my favourite song in this story, it might seem weird in light of the content, but bear with me, it is how it is :D
> 
> Once again, thank you so much for your feedback! And once again, I would absolutely love to hear your thoughts on this one. Especially on this one :D Did you expect _that_ turn of events? Let me know :))


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